Emotional Breakdown

Writing this week has been difficult. My body and brain have been taken over by an alien. I loved being pregnant with Mercy. I felt normal, I never got sick, very few aches and pains, and I loved every moment she moved.

This pregnancy is completely different. I felt sick (without the throw-up) for 3 months, and then right after I felt better in my belly, I came down with a cold and then the flu. I get migraines at least twice a week and I wake up every morning feeling like I broke my neck or my back while I was sleeping.

This week I felt the emotional breakdown that I have heard a lot about and seen in my friends, but I honestly had no idea that this alien inside me was going to make me feel crazy sometimes. The joy I had with Mercy was immense. Don't get me wrong ... I love the alien inside me. I love that he or she is moving so much already and that he or she is finding a place in my heart right next to Mercy's. Still, this little alien is really giving my body and brain a makeover.

Some would say that I have good reason to be having an emotional breakdown this week. Mercy came down with her first real sickness that kept her and me up all night and on our butts all day. Her fever peaked on Monday at 103 and didn't fully subside until Thursday. Right after that I noticed her next tooth poking through. Mercy is not one of those kids who takes teething lightly. She really lets you know she is uncomfortable and she won't stand for it.

Also this week, a friend of ours was laid off at work, with her husband's job also in a precarious position. We have been praying for them and hoping that God will help them recover from this blow soon. To top that off, their cousin, also a friend of ours, was in a major motorcycle accident and is hanging on to life by the grace of God ... literally. Mark is only 30 with a beautiful wife and 6 year-old son. It seems unfair, especially at this time of year, but I know God is working and a miracle will happen whether or not he is taken home to see Jesus.

I might have good reason for an emotional breakdown, but the depth of the feelings I felt really bothered me. I also hate what triggered me to cry almost all day Saturday and half of Sunday. Tim and I had a disagreement about something that in general I agree with him about, but this time something struck me as deeply irritating and I lost control of my ability to let my own stupid thoughts roll off my back. Once I regained some semblance of control, I stewed. How silly is that?! Stewing over a minor altercation that truly was meaningless only made the altercation seem 100 times bigger than it was. Once I accepted this, I decided to start my day over and move on so I could have a good time at a holiday gathering we were headed to. It worked!!

So now I sit here, relieved to have some quiet alone time. I finally feel like I can enjoy Christmas and all the joy it brings. This little alien inside me is sure changing me, but I hope and pray that I get my brain back in 5 months.

Lesson Learned: No matter how tempted I am to retaliate and/or blow my lid about something, it's sometimes best to sit still, pray and really mull over what the disagreement is before saying something. If the issue is real, then it will be better worked out when I am not boiling over with all my negative emotions at once. I might say something I don't mean and regret later.