Sleepless Night 2 ... Just Venting

Before I had Gracen, I posted about a sleepless night. At the time I had a lot on my mind and woke up stressed. Well, starting about a week and a half before I had Gracen, I was having a lot of unrestful nights. Mostly because I had to pee every hour on the hour due to a baby's head that was resting on my bladder. I was also anticipating the arrival of our son, so most people would say that I was getting prepared for what was to come. A good theory, but I'm not sure it holds up in my mind.

See ... from the day I had Gracen I have been struggling to get the right kind of rest. I think in the last two weeks I have only had four naps to make up for the midnight feedings. It should have helped that my mom was here to help with housework and letting me rest, but instead I found myself unintentionally not taking advantage of her presence and sleeping while both my kids were asleep. Even when I was in the hospital, the nursing staff, as loving as they are, kept me up most of the first night checking on me, making me watch some video about circumcision and bringing in my roommate at 4 in the morning, which woke both me and Gracen up. Of course it took a couple of nights when we got home for Gracen to know his surroundings and then there was the well-intentioned visitors who wanted to come by to meet our new little one. All good intentions aside, I at least had a baby who would sleep when Mercy did, and then stay asleep for the most part during the night, even if I wasn't taking advantage of it.

Well, I hit my wall a few days ago and this is about the time that Gracen adjusted his sleep schedule to be awake during Mercy's nap time. There went my nap. Then last night, he decided to wake up at 4 and not go back to sleep for an hour and a half. The other factor is that he is awake at night until about 11:00, which is kind of good, unless he wakes up at 4 in the morning to just be awake and then again at 6:45 am. I ended up with only 4 hours sleep and no nap. Needless to say, the tears overfloweth.

Many mothers will say they have been there and can definitely relate. A good friend said, "At least it's only for a season." They would all be right and I understand their good intentions in trying to encourage me. The thing is, when you're in the middle of those sleepless nights and days, you feel like it will never end and that you're all alone. Plus you're mood is not in a position to hear helpful words of encouragement. You just want SLEEP!

I know, I know. It all goes by so fast! I hear that a lot. I just know that while time is flying, I would like to be in a better mood to enjoy it, instead of feeling like it's flying past me and I'm missing it because I am exhausted. Here's to all the mothers of more than one. Your prayers are coveted and I appreciate you more than you know.

Lesson Learned: Keep your friends close and your children closer. Meaning ... The advice and encouragement is more than needed, but so is the time spent loving and playing with your children. Both my kids mean more to me than they know now. I want to enjoy my time with them, especially when they want me around. I don't want my mood to get in the way of them knowing that now. While I know I could get someone to watch my kids so I can sleep, I feel like I would rather make sure they aren't being carted off so mom can have a break. Still, I may be no use if I don't let others take them out on ocasion, as long as it's clear that they are not a burden to me.

My First Outing Alone

Today I decided that Mercy and I needed to get out and run a couple of errands. Luckily they were in the same parking lot, so I didn't feel like I was over extending my energy. Loading up the car with two children alone is a process that I am sure I will master in the next few weeks, but since I am still not "allowed" to pick up anything too heavy, it took a couple of trips. I first took out the carrier for Gracen without him in it. Then I came back for the diaper bag and the children. I did have Mercy carry one thing, but I figured since she loves to help, she wouldn't mind. We loaded up and headed to TARGET!!

First I had to pick up one of Tim's suits at the cleaners, which is the same shopping area as the Target I go to. This made it easy to park once and run two errands. Our Dry Cleaner owners are the sweetest people and they love Mercy, so it was fun introducing them to Gracen. We picked up the suit, went back to the car, and then headed into Target. It went very well. I found the items I needed rather quickly, and was out of there in a reasonable time.

Mercy ate a snack in the cart and Gracen was snuggled in my new sling carrier, similar to this one. I am still trying to get used to it. I feel like he is all scrunched up, but it's supposed to make them feel like they did in the womb. Since he used to stretch his foot out into my rib area, I figured he wanted more room than the womb provided. Still, he likes to be swaddled at night,s so we'll see. I used the Baby Bjorn with Mercy, which she loved. I am not sure if I will use one or both at this point, but I want to keep trying the sling.

We made it home in one piece and before lunch. Not bad for our first trip alone.

Lesson Learned: As time goes by, I will need to figure out a relatively quick method to get out the door. It took us a half hour just to get loaded in the car. I think once I can carry more this will change, but in the mean time, I need to plan for more time. If I want to be out the door by 10, I need to start at 9:40.

11 Days

It's been only 11 days and I am already trying to grasp the fact that I am no longer pregnant and am now a mother of two. I think with familly visits abounding, I was able to separate myself a little from the reality of becoming a mother of two and routines continuing. Today was my first full day without my mom here to help with chores and getting Mercy and Gracen ready for the day. I think I did pretty good. Mercy and I were dressed and ready no later than 10:30am. Believe me, that's pretty good for me. This process includes eating breakfast, showering, dressing, and taking a hiadous to feed Gracen. Considering I woke up at 8 to get started, I think it went pretty quick. I hope to get this process shortened eventuallly, but I am still learning.

Mercy has a date with her Grandma almost every Thursday afternoon. Some would say I had "help" today since Mercy was with her Grandma and I only had Gracen to take care of for the majority of the afternoon, but I had things to do that I would have done whether Gracen was here or not. It's nice to know I can continue on with some things around the house, at least until Gracen is mobile. I still need help with the heavier jobs, but I am recovering well, and look forward to learning to manage my time better over the next few weeks, months, etc. I have even made a tentative schedule of weekly chores so that I can make time to rest during the day since I am in the midst of midnight feedings again. A full night's sleep is, hopefully a few months away, but until then, I will be sleep deprived.

Blogging will be difficult over the next few weeks, but I will do my best to post at least once a week, if not more. And hopefully it won't be all about the baby. I am learning new things and hope to share those lessons as I go.

Lesson Learned: I definitely need to take things one day at a time right now. Running errands will be more involved, and therefore need to be short trips for a while, especially while nursing full time. Can't wait to see how this goes!

She's a Big Sister Now!

He's here! Mercy's little brother, Gracen Luke, has officially entered our world and we couldn't be more excited. So far the consensus is that he looks a lot like Mercy did when she was born. I still am hoping that he keeps his dark hair, but it's not a deal breaker. Labor was not so bad this time. From the beginning of my real contractions to birth, it was only about 4 1/2 hours. Compared to 13 1/2 with Mercy, I'd say God gave me a lot of grace to have a short labor. The Dr. did have to get me going by breaking my water, but I didn't need any medication to induce contractions until the end (they just weren't consistent enough for delivery).

At 6:31pm Sunday night Gracen joined us, weighing in at 9lb. 2oz., just 5oz. heavier than Mercy was. We were allowed to go home the next evening, even though we could've stayed one more night. We missed Mercy sooooooo much, and due to the Swine Flu, she wasn't allowed in the room. It was important to us that Mercy meet him as soon as possible. It was a great first meeting. She's going to be a great big sister!