Ugly Mom

Ever get that "ugly mom" feeling? You know ... you feel like nothing in your closet could make you feel pretty, you feel like two showers are not enough, let alone possible, your hair couldn't get funkier, and spit-up is your new perfume. Today ... really yesterday since I am writing this at 3 in the morning ... was that day.

I woke up as usual to a hungry infant and a 2-year-old ready to play house. Nothing unusual or different. I made plans to take our truck in for an oil change. Again, nothing really out of the ordinary. And then it seems that my 2-year-old decided that her good mood that she has had for the last two weeks was just a cover. I had set her up to watch a little "Horton" on my computer with headphones, which she loved. She was instructed to "just watch" and not touch any buttons. I was patient with her lack of memory for about ... oh ... 4 button pushes, but then she started to outright ignore me. She seems to have perfected the teenage blank stare of "what"? She even says it! So I give her one more chance to shape up or no more Horton. She aparently thought I was kidding. So, I calmly say, "OK. No more Horton." Calmly may be my version of the story. She may have seen it differently. Anyway, I take the computer away. I figured it wouldn't be that big of a deal. She had taken the headphones off several minutes before and was now, quite literally, pushing my buttons for the pure sake of seeing if I would react. Her response was to scream with fists clinched and face red. Ok ... so not that unusual of a 2-year-old reaction. Still frustrating, though. So I "calmly" send her to her room for a time out. Thinking that she would come out ready to be "good" for the rest of the day was apparently a lot to ask. She decided to respond to all my efforts of discipline today, with either screaming or "what?" or outright ignoring me. AAAAAHHHHHHHH!

My infant also didn't have the best of days. He had shots on Monday, which made him cranky for the rest of that day, and then feverish on Tuesday. He was still a bit cranky today, but better. Instead, he spat up all day. Of course almost all of it landed on me. This was the icing to my ugly mom day.

So my nerves were frayed and my patience tested. I would have liked someone to commiserate with me, but plans had been made several days ago for Tim to go with his good friend to a show in L.A. for the evening, while I was supposed to be with my friends. My plans fell away due to several friends needing to bow out. I usually would have no problem with this turn of events. A quiet night at home (at least after the kids are in bed), watching my guilty pleasures on T.V. while eating a naughty treat in bed. Sometimes I'll throw in a long shower, but for some reason I didn't think that it would help tonight. My "ugly mom" feelings could not be washed away. Instead, I stewed about my bad day, resentfully wishing that Tim had offered to stay home with me or to take me with him. It didn't help that he texted me "hello's" from other friends that I had no idea would be there. It's really not his fault that my night turned out so bad. How could he have known? Still, the mind of a tired, frustrated and ugly mom is a hard thing to contend with.

So, here I sit at 3:30am, venting my frustrations so that maybe I can sleep a few hours tonight, amazed that my son who wakes me every other night at around 2am has still not woken for his midnight snack, which only frustrates me more because I know he'll wait until I am just about to drift off...

Ok. So I'm a bit of a cry baby tonight. Mercy and I prayed for a better day tomorrow. I really do hope that God helps me with this, considering my lack of sleep will hit me sooner rather than later.

There's Gracen! Gotta go.

Summer Wrap-up

This last summer felt like summers from my teenage years. Vacations, beach trips, ice cream, and lots of play time. While exhausting, it sure was fun! Some more things we did this summer ...

• We went to Estes Park Colorado (just outside Denver ... which is huge, by the way) where we visited with loved family and went to see the hotel where The Shining was filmed.
  
• I had two whole weekends of birthday fun. How lucky am I! We went to Disneyland, the San Diego Zoo, and the beach on my actual birthday weekend and then headed to a vineyard in Temecula for a childless getaway (more details later in this post).
• Tim and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary! Next year is a big one, so off to EUROPE!! YAY!!!
• We enjoyed the opening day of College Football ... a sort of holiday in this family (and the Lamberth's too).
• And finally ... we celebrated about 8 family and friends' birthdays, which makes for a crazy August!

Here's a photo to sum up the second half of my summer:


As the summer winds down (officially September 20th), I am glad to have my days back to "normal". My "schedule" of sorts has been jeopardized by all the fun we have had, but I really do like and enjoy a routine. I like knowing what each day's chores/activities will be. The thing is, with all this renewed energy and time, I find I am at a loss as to which project I should focus on first. My project lists include:

1. Moving Gracen into Mercy's room ... no longer just her room ... which includes the following: finishing the bedding for Gracen's crib, taking down all wall art, getting the couch in the room to a friend's house for safe keeping, buying a new bed and bedding for Mercy, and finally reorganizing the room to fit Gracen and all kid stuff while keeping a few office items in there as well. WHEW! A lot to do just for this project.
2. A deep cleaning of all rooms. Some people do this in the Spring ... I was 9 months pregnant and ordered not to do any heavy housework. Fall it is!
3. Go through and give away all clothes that do not fit or we don't wear. This project is a lot easier to do, but I keep avoiding it.
4. Get reorganized ... meaning: weekly schedule, home decor, and both bedrooms ... so that all is quick, easy and touched once. This one will be fun for me, but hard too.
5. Finally ... I want and ask all to pray for me to get in God's Word daily. I do have ways of getting His Word sometimes throughout the week, but I want more time. I know all the benefits of doing this, but it seems lately I barely have time to breath before I roll into bed each night, and then I find it nearly impossible to get up before my kids do. Nap times still vary for Gracen, so maybe pray for him to get on a regular nap schedule so I can do it while both kids are asleep.
   

So ... This is what I am up to and have been doing during my absence from this blog. I would apologize, but I won't because it was worth the time spent with my family to not do this. Now that life is back to "normal" I can keep this updated as well.

Lesson Learned: Blogging comes second to family time ... always!

P.S. - Mercy is Potty Trained! YAY! Almost perfect at it after a week of doing it. She ROCKS!!!